The invalidating environment
I do not blame him, as I can see that he had a rough time when young also.
When growing up I was different to everyone else though as I was a very different age and a girl and I was emotional and kept my emotions to myself.
This can be done through denying, ridiculing, ignoring, or judging anothers feelings.
An invalidating environment is one where the people around you don’t help you to deal with your emotions, whether they mean to or not.Many websites, for example, are now saying that growing up in an invalidating environment helps cause what is labeled as "borderline personality disorder." I suspect that with time more people who get trained so they can be called psychologists will agree with me that many of the so called "disorders" are actually caused by society and our environments not just "Borderline Personality Disorder."In any case, it is encouraging to see more people talking about invalidation and recognizing it.Perhaps one day the concept will even be taught in mainstream educational systems.I know about this as well because I was surrounded by men who were older than me (Dad and three brothers) and the only female was my mother and she was mentally ill. I was sexually abused at fifteen years by an older man and was bullied by one of my brothers from a very young age – maybe five years old, as when I was ten I noted in my diary that he was nice to me and that was unusual but very, very welcome at the time.He and I are both emotional people whereas my other two brothers are not so emotional – we feel guilt, sadness, temper, bullying, anger and love and a desire to help others and be nice.
Failure, or any deviation from socially defined success, is labeled as resulting from lack of motivation, lack of discipline, not trying hard enough, or the like.